Tag Archives: bone

First Knot

Inside my soul a knot of tightly wound veins, arteries and flesh pulsates with hope, pain, love, dreams, aspirations and creativity winding and winding around each other emanating from the child giving birth to a child. Only a firstborn can occupy this sacred space. The living moment where mother and child are born for the very first time. And the rebirth continues over and over each time there is positive movement, each time there is negative movement. All pushing the other into becoming stronger, more loving, better than before.

The knot expands tying up and untying hurt and the joy. Intermingling.

Don’t mistake the knot for favoritism, for there are other knots to be found. Yet nothing can replace the very first knot. The first knot begetting new life.

To my very dear Elijah, I am so proud of you tonight and always. Pouring your sorrow, pouring your joy, pouring your growth into melodies of living.

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+Return to Soul, Return to Body



Today I returned to my favorite park and walked. A simple act, walking. A simple remembrance of what running and walking in nature, in this park mean to me. A return to commune with God that comes as easily as breathing, as easily as looking over and seeing a tiny blue dragonfly on the brush beside the path. I’ve put off returning to running and walking because I tore a ligament in my foot a couple months ago. I can put it off no longer. The physical pain is worth the exchange of spiritual energy and renewal. The bitter balances the sweet.



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+9 Thank you. I’ll keep my problems, you keep yours

There’s a saying that God never gives us more than we can handle. In most cases, I believe this is true. Today, I am keenly aware that I choose my problems over those around me. I’d much rather be dealing with my lack of heat and generating money for a new heating system, than be looking down the nose of cancer with very little prospects of surviving. I’d much rather be shoveling the dirt out of my 112 year old basement than sitting in a lawyer’s office wondering if I will ever receive justice.

Good things happened today; unexpected breakfast with a friend at my favorite place, enough money in our bank account to make the deposit on the new heating system, sweet texts from my baby girl.

Thank you, God, for not giving me more than I can handle. Please help my friends. Image

My nemesis, the 60+ year old broken boiler in the scary basement.

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+5 God is good

For the past few days I have been preoccupied with the physical necessities of life, mainly heat and hot water. Two days ago, my husband awoke to the smell of oil and went in the basement to discover that oil from our heater was leaking all over the basement floor. We live in a 112 year old house and while it has many virtues, it’s heater is not one of them. The heater is about 60 years old and has been a great workhorse, but it’s time has come to an end. We are faced with fixing it one more time in the hope to make it through this season or to figure out a way to pay for a whole new system now… but, alas, with a 112 year old house, there are always interesting complications. The kitchen of our house is a shoddy addition that was built over the outside entrance to the basement limiting what kind of replacement can be installed. I’ve spent the past couple days researching various heating and hot water options and exploring how to pay for them.

All that to say… God is good. I went to bed and the title for the day in my devotional was, “balancing the budget”. And, the verse that went with it was:

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ” Matthew 6:33

I hadn’t really started praying about our heater situation yet, but God was already speaking to me. Some people would say it was a coincidence that the topic of the day in my book was finances and I might agree if this didn’t happen to me regularly over the span of my lifetime. So, take it or leave it. The prayer included for that day touched on trusting God, sharing a portion of our earnings with God for His glory, and putting God first in all things. I had started to come to the conclusion on my own earlier in the day that I needed to hand this heater situation over to God, but reading my devotional sealed the deal. Since I do the books for our business and for our house, I felt I needed to call a family meeting to discuss what I felt God was telling me.

Our family meeting made me feel more connected to my children and husband than I have felt in a long time. With our children all getting older, we can easily get attached to our various screens and go to our separate rooms with very little communication of true meaning. We actually prayed together as a family i.e. we all said something, instead of just me. We haven’t done that in years, if at all. And, we talked about some very difficult subjects.

The unexpected benefit of our heater breaking is our family coming together in a more meaningful way. Again I say, God is good.

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